32-34wk Frenzy

This past week was crazy with a Labor & Delivery Tour as well as Birth Classes and on Thursday I had my nutritionist & high-risk doctor appointments! Both were unable to figure out why I was diagnosed with GD. My numbers were completely normal, they even told me I probably didn't actually have GD and I could start eating fruit again in the morning & try some ice cream at night to test my numbers. Unfortunately per hospital policy once you have been labeled GD it cannot be removed from your record. So I have to continue testing my blood until delivery (they say GD sometimes gets worse the further along in pregnancy), then be tested post baby, again at 6wks post baby, then once every 2-3yrs for Type 2 Diabetes. Plus, with a future pregnancy I will be tested right away, midway, then at the normal 28wks (if I am not diagnosed the first 2x). I was also told that the high-risk doctor has to deliver me, officially saying goodbye to my chance at the midwife I'd been meeting with since 12wks, and that since I am high-risk they generally induce GD patients at 39wks due to high-birth weight to attempt preventing a c-section. I don't want to be induced nor do I want a c-section, so it's kind of a lose-lose all around for me. After our birth classes Quinn asked the nurse if there was a way to refuse induction and there is a form we can fill out, but if baby is huge there can be complications far worse than the c-section itself, so I'm a bit stressed. I'm honestly praying baby comes all on its own at 37/38wks to avoid all of this...

This past weekend we were fortunate enough to meet up with some "Arizona Family" ...grandpa Don & grandma Nancy, Mark & Barb with their son Robert. Friday I drove up to North Shore to meet them at Turtle Bay for some snorkeling, on the way home I swung by the Macadamia Nut farm to say hi to my friend Sandy (Quinn scored because she gave me a bag of their new caramel flavored nuts). That night we met them at Buzz's Original Steakhouse, where I had 4 bites of ice cream (my first sugar in 3wks!). 

Saturday I did things around the house, then went to the beach with Aubrey & Brittany for a few hours. Dinner that night was the first time my glucose went over (149) and I'm not sure why... I had a chicken salad with one slice of cheesy bread. I felt super sick afterwards all the way until I fell asleep that night. Despite this, we did meet up with Don & Nancy to sit out by the pool at their hotel and enjoy some good conversation before they left the island. 

Sunday we went to church and the sermon was great, afterwards we ran errands and I was exhausted by the time we got home, then I blew my glucose numbers at luch (162) despite the fact I had eaten the same lunch 2x in the past week. So, I got super emotional... I ended up taking a much needed nap and Quinn convinced me to go out to dinner with our friends Jeff & Brittany.

Today I accomplished a lot on my "to-do" list, did my pre-lunch workout, and blew my lunch numbers again (165) with a lunch I had previously had... So once again I got emotional and pissed. Poor Quinn, I don't know what to do and he doesn't know what to do. If it happens again I have to call the doctor and let them decide my fate... Continue trying the diet, pills, or insulin shots. *sigh* Right about now I have no idea how people go through multiple pregnancies. The first half of mine was fine, the second half has been hell. I was determined not to blow my dinner numbers so I did a 1.25mi walk after dinner, my skin & hair smell like the salt air and I'm wondering how I'm going to relax once we move away from the ocean :(

Here are some ultrasound photos from 32wks (where after much poking, prodding, physically moving baby, and eventually an internal ultrasound we learned the placenta had moved just enough for me to potentially deliver naturally vs. c-section).

I'm trying really hard to remain positive but this whole GD thing has me completely baffled, confused, and angry. I still don't know why I have it yet the friend who ate ice cream sandwiches, Hershey bars, and potato chips as her main diet for her entire pregnancy while doing absolutely no exercise had a perfectly normal pregnancy. It also blows my mind since there's no family history. It just makes me think once again that my body sucks. I really need prayer- for my emotions, my outlook on pregnancy, the anger I have towards my body, and the fear I have of what all this could bring in the future. Prayers that baby's weight stays normal and that s/he and myself don't contract Type 2 Diabetes after birth is also needed.

Birthday, Babies, & Long Overdue Bump-date...

I have been in such a funk with the past two weeks... Labor Day Weekend was a nightmare... with my diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes, my car being completely un-driveable, a friend's husband blindsiding her with divorce paperwork and moving out, another friend going through extreme GI and anxiety issues, my sister breaking her hand, one of the unit's female Marines miscarrying in her 2nd trimester, Lucy being re-admitted to the children's hospital, and one of the guys having a PTSD relapse... I feel like I've been broken, beaten, and torn down physically and emotionally. Quinn as well.

This past weekend we did celebrate Riley's 1st birthday (I got out on the water sitting on a SUP and got to see a Honu, which usually lifts my spirits) and Rachelle's new addition, but I'm still a little down, I have my diet and glucose monitor appointment this Thursday (finally! only 2wks after my initial diagnosis-ridiculous) and I really have no idea what to expect, other than a huge diet change and poking myself 4-6x daily. I STILL have NO diabetic symptoms, however they Gestational Diabetes "symptoms" make me laugh, because taking out the sugar crashes, shakiness, and sugar in the urine... these are the rest:

• fatigue
• urinating frequently
• changes in vision
• nausea

Um... those are all symptoms related to just being pregnant as well!

I hate admitting it... but I'm having a REALLY hard time praying and thanking God for anything lately. I feel like everything I have asked for hasn't happened, and each day I learn of some new "bad" news. Case in point, another friend recently contacted me to tell me she and her daughter had moved home with her parents because her husband requested a separation while he "figures out what God wants him to do." *sigh*

Anyway, Littlest is growing that's for sure. It hurts when s/he does a full body stretch, rolling makes my stomach look like I'm harboring an alien, and I think I have a permanent bruise near my belly button from constantly getting a knee there. Here are weeks 26-31 (wow, I really was behind!).

Gestational Diabetes

Friday morning at 8:45am I received the dreaded call from my midwife... "You failed the 2hr and 3hr blood draws of your 3hr glucose test, you have gestational diabetes." I managed to hold it together on the phone, hung up and text the realtors that I would be late, then... I lost it. Uncontrollable sobbing. How? Why? This has to be a joke! I teared up a bit when I told the realtor's about the phone call and then a couple times during work, then I headed home... Where I lost it again... Over and over...

I have no history of diabetes on either side of my family.

None of the women have ever contracted gestational diabetes.

I workout for 30-45min 5-6 days a week.

We eat healthy (yes I like baked goods, but I don't gorge myself!).

At that point I was 30wks & 5 days pregnant and had only gained 15lbs

My one "risk factor" - Being over the age of 25!

My sadness and feelings of failure slowly faded and were replaced by anger, fear, and annoyance. Angry at the situation, fearful of the future (30-60% of women who contract gestational diabetes end up being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes within 10yrs of delivery and the baby's chances of contracting it go up significantly - this is NOT something I want to live with and the "non-medicated fix" for it, is sadly, my current lifestyle of healthy diet & exercise!) and not to mention the fact I hate needles, and finally annoyance because I fully believe the glucose test is utter BS. Have someone fast for 12hrs, then make them down a nasty 100mg liquid sugar "drink" in 5min then draw their blood and be surprised when the levels are elevated. Not to mention, thinking back on my 2 & 3hr draws (the ones I convienantly "failed" by 3pts) they were herding all of us (a huge group of Navy guys came in for their flight physicals) in and out like cattle, and I swear those last draws were at the 45min marks instead of the 1hr, but I was so hungry & thirsty at that point I could barely think straight!

So now I'm just bitter. I told Quinn I'm terrified that I'll hold this against the baby without realizing it, especially if I contract Type 2 diabetes. They we're suppose to call me on Tuesday with instructions and to make an appointment with the "Complicated Pregnancy OB," never got the call. I left messages with all the offices and even e-mailed my Centering RN. She got back to me saying she was trying to find out if I was eligible to stay in the Midwife program, but didn't have an answer as to why I hadn't been called yet. Wednesday came and went without a phone call, I did get news that I could stay in the Centering program meetings but most likely would have to be delivered by the Complicated Pregnancy Doctor and not my midwife, super lame. I am also not allowed to ask diabetic questions at the meetings and have to make separate appointments in the CPOB, so for the next 8wks I am pretty much going to be driving across the island 2-3x a week just for appointments! Tomorrow I have my Centering appointment, hoping they'll have an answer as to why I haven't gotten the "oh so important call" for my diabetic counseling, diet plan, and glucose monitoring system... You'd think after ruining my holiday weekend and saying how important it was to start treatment "right away" I wouldn't be sitting here 5 days post-diagnosis with absolutely no guidance, major health care system fail!

I didn't expect pregnancy to be easy.

But I didn't expect my body to fail me so badly.

The first hit was with low-lying placenta.

Now gestational diabetes.

My body sucks.

I'm just so mad.

This is now on my medical record FORVER.

Next pregnancy I will be required to test as early as 8wks pregnant.

My chances for getting it in subsequent pregnancies is almost guaranteed.

Every 3yrs for the rest of my life I will have to be tested for Type 2 diabetes.

My probability of getting it goes up each time I contract gestational diabetes.

*sigh*

THIS SUCKS!

I feel for every single person who has diabetes, you are amazing for poking yourself & injecting insulin.

Now excuse me while I go pout, again.

I'm definitely not out of the "why me stage."