Last night on my way home, I ended up taking a detour and driving up Eagle Mountain... my favorite place to sit and watch the twinkle of the city lights and just think.
I cannot believe in 39 days (holy cow, really...that soon?!) I change my last name, go from Miss to Mrs., move all the way across the country- away from everything/everyone I know esp. my family, and start a new life... of my own with Quinn.
It's exhilerating, terrifying, an adventure, and mainly... unknown.
Marriage is not going to be some skip in the park... more like adding a torrential downpour with some highly important documents you must keep dry. I guess that may be over-dramatic, but every day it will be a choice, not all days will be good, not all days will be bad. Obstacles will come, and we will have to work through them together. I know right now the hardest part for me will be when he deploys. Far from home... alone.
I'm going to be very blunt with this. Do not under any circumstances tell me "well you knew what you were getting into." Yes and no. Yes I know that his profession requires him to go to war, defend and protect our country, our freedom. Yes I know he will be gone 7mo-1yr. Yes I know that. What I don't know is... what it will feel like worrying everyday that he is safe, going for days-weeks-months? not being able to hear his voice, praying for him to come home the same way he left, not knowing exactly where he is, what he is doing, what kind of danger he faces at that moment. NO, I don't know what THAT will be like. Talk to me in a year or so...
I feel like right now I'm in the eye of the storm, everything is moving around me... items falling into place for the wedding and new house, and here I am sitting (and still eating candy corn, ugh) just contemplating it all. I often wonder what my life would look like to an outsider, someone with only the details. Not being here, not seeing what's changing, not feeling the 100 different emotions I constantly go through.
Please pray for us.
2 comments:
Lewis Black on Candy Corn:
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2016676756
Not at all relevant to most of your post, I know.
I firmly believe that the military should not be a career. There are myriad reasons for this, my libertarianism and desire to see government cut back in big ways foremost among them, but families factor in there, too. Spouses seem to get used to it and ultimately have more immediate concerns in their day-to-day lives that keep their minds from wandering to the darkest of places. Modern technology has at least made contact with loved ones easier. Comparatively speaking, you should at least have somewhat consistent communication with your spouse when he's deployed. Anyway, hope it works out for you.
candy corn is deliciously addiciting, did you eat it all cause i'd like some :]
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