The "Me to We" Syndrome

When your husband leaves the first few weeks can be an adjustment from "we to me..." for example: when you get invited to dinner with friends, there's no more "let me check our schedules." It's just yours it doesn't matter if normally he would be working late that night, you can go because your schedule is free.

Right now: I eat when I want to, work-out when I want to, do my marketing-photography work when I want to, do my classwork when I want to, watch what I want on TV when I want. If the girls call and want to go out, I go. There is only one schedule in this marriage at the moment- mine.

Now as this deployment is winding down I find myself thinking about changing my mindset once again... when he returns it will no longer be my house, my car, my truck, my schedule, my friends, my weekend plans... It makes me sound selfish, but I honestly think it's the way I revert during a deployment. Obviously, if there was a big purchase to be made I would do my best to contact him and ask his opinion on it, but most of the time I honestly can't. When the truck started running rough I took it in, turns out the back suspension had cracked. I couldn't wait around for him to tell me yes or no on the repairs, I had to make the call. The truck is running smooth again and we're out some money, but not too bad considering prior to the deployment we agreed to purchase an extended warranty.

I think deployments are all about setting yourself up for success. For us that means preventative planning (as much as possible), me knowing what to do in specific situations (such as the hurricane kit in the storage closet), and being confident in each other to make the choices that will benefit both of us even if it is just one of us at the time. You also personally determine what news from home he needs to hear... if it's life changing you have to make sure you go about it the right way. Most of the time I do what needs to be done and he'll hear about it when he gets back. They have a saying for this: "a distracted marine, is a dead marine." For them, their mission is their life. Yes, they have you back at home, but in order to get back home-to you, their mission needs to be priority one for safety reasons. It's hard to disconnect at times, but I think that's when the "me" mindset works to your advantage.

Now, I am in no way condoning doing anything crazy! You do not cheat on your spouse. You shouldn't even put yourself in a maybe situation. You do not drain the bank account. You do not make purchases not previously agreed on that will put you into debt. But when your toilet is flooding your bathroom- make the call! If your grandma is in the hospital and they are saying it's nearing her last days, buy a plane ticket.

So right now it's me.
Soon it'll be we.
Time to start changing my mindset again.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."