"Congratulations"

Congratulations.
You win.
Punks.

You have successfully...
1) broken our front door launching grapefruits out of a potato-launcher
2) pelted the front of our house with oranges
3) painted our entry-way columns and door bright pink with your paint ball gun
4) broke our reindeer
5) bent our ducks

But most of all... hurt my mother.

It's Christmas time, a season of joy, giving, caring, and love. All she wanted to do was decorate our house with pretty lights, reindeer, and Christmas ducks, to help spread the Christmas spirit to those who pass by.

So find something better to do with your lives. Seriously...

The reindeer are gone and the ducks have been relocated.

I have so many words I want to say but won't. I will say that I never have and never will understand kids who act this way, I am ashamed for their parents, and I would like to return the favor they have done on our house.

Merry Christmas.
I hope you got what you wanted.

But if not, and you do come back...
I will find you.
I don't know how.
But I will.

...and then you can deal with the cops!